| Okay, so.
I started college, and my first semester was rough. The campus was huge, the classes were too easy, and my roommate was a bitch.
( under the cut ) | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment   |
| I recently ran up against the opinion that I'd put WDMC on "permanent hiatus" (I meant indefinite, as it turns out, but by now I am amused by my own malapropish tendencies.) for the attention -- that I should have just deleted the fic I had uploaded and pretend it never happened.
I thought that was funny; I also thought, "Wow, this person was not around during the whole Alternate Ending debacle." (Guys, I DO NOT HAVE A COPY. Stop emailing me.)
Because the (ongoing) truth is that This Fandom Is Awesome, and when I pulled my slightly over-dramatic shutdown and proclaimed "I vant to be alone," people listened. They were lovely and supportive and, for the most part, backed the hell off. I really needed that at the time.
And, at the time, I couldn't have done something like this. I was in the middle of my first major existential crisis and was going a touch crazy. (Now they come, like, once a month, and I know how to roll with it.)
I'm going to post a Director's Commentary of AFOD. For a couple of reasons. One: I discovered Director's Commentaries of fics in other fandoms, and holy jeez they are awesome. I think every, everyone should do them, they ROCK. Two: I want to post "clean," typo-free versions of AFOD in the usual places, and it helps me focus if I'm not just there to go over everything with a fine-tooth. (Also, if you guys would lend your eagle eyes, it'd be much appreciated.) Three: a lot of people have told me they weren't "in" fandom when it was first posted, and for this or other reasons were afraid of "bothering" me with questions or comments. This is an open invitation to have at it. Ask whatever you like, I will answer to the best of my ability. So there will be this, and then the wrapping up of WDMC through unposted chapters and notes/scattered synopsis.
It's certainly not an attempt to resurrect my presence in a fandom which has moved on. I just... this community really gave me a lot: love, support, and encouragement, and in a time when I really needed that. This experience changed my life, and it persuaded me to continue writing when before I was convinced I would have to give it up to attain other dreams.
If this were a Victorian romance, this would be me, returning fandom's letters: wrapped up with a yellow ribbon and faintly scented with lavender. | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| In regards to my non-presence, I was originally going to post about me and my driving need for perfection, involving this cute anecdote from college about making step-stairs in shop class with my friend R---, who was over six feet and ripped and screamed shrill, girlish screams every time I switched on the circular saw. It really is a cute story, I promise, and maybe I'll find a reason to work it in to this LJ one day. But I kept getting stalled until I realized that, as much as the perfectionism argument is a valid one, that wasn't why I was feeling blocked. It wasn't why every time I thought about posting my new project I'd be gripped in shivering anxiety.
The real reason is this: last year, I found out someone plagiarized A Forfeit of Dreams.
( In which I discuss the sordid details of my own situation and try to draw some kind of lesson from it. )
Here's the thing: writing fanfic is hard. Not a hardship, my goodness, but actually very hard. There's the actual writing part, which, ugh. Then there's grappling with the practicalities of the source material –- the dearth of canon of a 90 min movie, the wildly fluctuating quality of a longer narrative, the whims of creators of ongoing series who manage to thwart your longfic plans from week to week (or release to release). There's the struggle of coming up with something interesting when sometimes the entire fandom seems to have five plots between them. There's hiding your activities from less-than-perfectly-understanding (“You write stories about who? Doing WHAT?”) friends and family members. Or, if you've taken the leap an come clean to them, the perhaps mocking/disparaging attitudes or unending reiteration of “So, when are you going to write your own stuff?” And running throughout all of this is the sweet crooning song of the TV/world outside/newest book/latest video game/high score in solitare asking baby, where you been so long?
So when self-professed fans, who are one of the top five reasons to keep hacking away at it (the rest, in ascending order: 4) writing experience 3) it's fun 2) it's fun 1) it's really really fun) turn around and try to claim your work as theirs, well.
I've unfortunately had the opportunity to observe/talk with a number of people whose online writings have been plagiarized, and the overwhelming first response is almost always: “So why do I even bother?”
Listen up, would-be (or actual) thieves – this is what you put in danger when you do what you do. You are parasites which end up draining your hosts dry. If you're actually a fan, know that you're contributing to the death of the very thing you claim to love.
And I've had a long time to think about this now. So, guess what? You are not fans. I don't care how much you adore the stories. How emotionally invested you were or how much in love. Initially I was inclined to be forgiving, because it's not like I didn't pull some obscenely stupid maneuvers when I was new to fandom and the internet. But you know what? Fuck that.
This brand of action is not admiring or in any way a homage. It is hurtful, dishonest, low, selfish, and cruel. I would no more equate you with an actual fan than I would take a stalker for a boyfriend.
The best thing you can do for a creator (I mean, besides oodles of lovely long feedback) is let them know if you think someone has stolen their work. A simple, low-key email (“Have you seen [link to story]? I was struck by the resemblance to [your story] and wondered if you thought there was anything to be concerned about.”) will work wonders. Again, contact the original creator -- I did see my plagiarist straight-out lie that she had my permission in response to inquiries. There's also the ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) stop_plagiarism community on LJ, which has a helpful list of known plagiarists and conducts their investigations in a much-needed objective manner.
Plagiarism truly is a cancer in our amazing community of fanworks. If you appreciate the hard work and love someone has put into their creation which has entertained you, help to protect them. This is an awful, awful feeling, guys, even over a year later –- I wouldn't wish it on anyone. | | comments: 43 comments or Leave a comment |
| ... and then I disappear for three months.
Sorry, guys.
I'm still not ready to begin posting anything original, due to a present tempest in my teacup. I am writing it, though.
In the meantime I wanted to unload some things. Recent events have persuaded me to officially "end" WMDC by posting whatever I had left, including a synopsis of what I had planned. The latter will have to wait a while, as my notebook is at home in the states. But we can get the ball rolling with an unfinished "deleted scene" that was supposed to fall between chapters 7 and 8 as its own chapter.
( for the curious ) | | comments: 16 comments or Leave a comment |
| 1) Because it's been a while!
2) Because you might want a final farewell, so here's a tidbit for the trip back home.
Ask me a question. Any question.
And YES, this is open to fanfic stuff. I retain the right to answer at my own discretion, though, and any spoilery reveals/comments will be screened so that no one reads anything they weren't looking to be told.
If this is the last I see of certain people, I can only say thank you, thank you, thank you for everything. | | comments: 43 comments or Leave a comment |
| Apparently I blog like I talk: slightly incoherent, tangential as all get-out, and enamored of adverbs. Please consider this a serious warning.
So, you know what is a highly questionable decision when one is addicted (and I don't use the word lightly) to the written word? Moving to a country where one's native language ISN'T native. To make it even more fun, don't earn a salary, and therefore be unable to afford books.
( Wow, this one's even longer. )
Long story extremely short: this is where I'll be having fun with original fiction now. If you're only interested in fanfic, try signing up for update notices on the Yahoo group so you won't be bothered with flotsam. (Some of you on my flist are RL friends, though, and what the hell, guys? Go away (you know where to!) so I can compartmentalize in peace.)
*cricket chirp*
*I vaguely tell myself I'll try to publish some day but I don't (or I hope I don't) really hang on that. I am not someone who wants to eventually become a full-time writer, I want a day job. I mean, I understand the struggle involved in finding a day job that doesn't make you want to stab yourself in the eyeballs. But writing is my escape, so if I made it my living I fear it would ALSO make me want to stab myself in the eyeballs. | | comments: 24 comments or Leave a comment |
| There's actually a story to go with the last story.
I stumbled into writing "Certain Powers" without any sort of focus or purpose -- ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) dmacabre asked for pinch hitters and I was hitting the POST COMMENT button asking to be considered before I was even conscious of what I was doing, really. Guys, I have missed writing fanfic -- but I'll get to that part later.
I hadn't seen the movie in a while. I can't tell you how many times I watched and re-watched it while writing AFOD -- my VHS copy still goes a little watery at certain scenes -- but even though I'd purchased a DVD on sale to pay penance for the Great Shame of '04 (which involved myself, Saxonny, and Lady Serade having to RENT A COPY AT BLOCKBUSTER because I hadn't one in the house, the fanfiction gods wept blood) I hadn't actually cracked it open since. So I thought it was probably good to schedule a rewatch.
And then I put it off, because that's what I do, until my cousin, his wife and their adorable moppet of a child came down to view the amazing Jim Henson exhibit. We finished the exhibit in a day (amazing, made me cry and respect the man even more, which I didn't think possible) and I decided the moppet, all of two and a half, was not finished her educational exposure until she'd actually watched his movies. So I spread out my not-so-meagre collection before her and waited until she thwapped one decidedly with a chubby-fingered hand. She chose Labyrinth all by her lonesome, guys, I will swear that until I die.
She loved it. She absolutely loved it. Anyone who has ever spent considerable time with a child under three will understand the enormity of this statement: she sat still for the allotted two hours, getting up only to boogie (which is her new Favorite Thing) when "Chilly Down" came on and entreat me to join her. ("Dance, Ka-fer-nin! Dance!"). She stared at that gigantic TV screen and did not twitch.
I told her mother afterwards, who was suitably impressed. We came to the conclusion that she'd reached some sort of developmental milestone -- now able to digest long-narrative stories, would be able to watch movies with her folks without driving them mad, etc.
Fast forward to the next day. I have babysitting duties again, and I believe in sticking with a good thing. I put my Storyteller DVD on and wait for the magic to happen again.
It did not happen. Adorable Moppet was not the quiet-fascinated child of last night -- she was a royal pain in my ass, refusing to sit in the extra-comfy basement chairs and instead getting into every dusty, dirty, non-childproofed corner there was in that domain. She prattled, she tugged on me, she refused to stay in one place for more than two minutes. In short, she acted like an actual toddler. I tried several different DVDs, nothing caught her attention.
Oh well, I thought to myself, she was probably just tired and worn out, yesterday. Can't expect lightning to strike twice.
"What do you want to do, Adorable Moppet?" I asked, as she is shockingly verbal and smart for her age. "Wanna go upstairs to Mommy and Daddy?"
"No."
"Wanna watch TV?"
"No."
"A movie?"
A silent headcock which clearly communicated I am taking your suggestion under consideration.
"You want to pick the movie?"
"YES."
I led her to my DVD collection. Guess what she picked.
Huh, I thought, well, it looks different in the DVD case, she might think it's something else.
"Sure you want to watch this? We saw it already."
"Yes. YES."
So I put it on.
Boom. Butt in chair. Eyes wide and fixed. Didn't. Move. A muscle.
And then something really weird happened.
Whenever Jareth wasn't on screen, she started asking when he would come back.
I didn't catch on at first, because she wasn't calling him "Jareth." Yesterday, after we'd seen the movie in the morning, she'd spotted one of my mother's buddha heads and gotten very excited for reasons I couldn't fathom, asking me what it was. I told her, but she could only manage "Bada." So when she started asking me "Where is Bada?" I was confused and kept assuring her the stone heads were upstairs, which clearly wasn't the answer she wanted. But she was suspiciously silent during Jareth scenes. But then, I am always a little preoccupied myself during those scenes, I don't think I noticed.
Until we reached the shot of multiple stone Jareth heads, and she started to point and shriek with joy: "Bada! Bada!"
Two and a half years old, guys. TWO AND A HALF. I knew David Bowie was awesome, but I didn't count on him being magic.
Eventually her mother came down to make sure I hadn't, you know, accidentally offed the kid and was looking for a way to blame it on the mailman.
"Wow, she really is watching a movie," she said, impressed.
"It's only this one," I said weakly. "She didn't do this with any of the other stuff I put on."
"... really?"
"Honest."
She called the Adorable Moppet's name a couple times. No reaction. She waved her hand in front of Adorable Moppet's face. Adorable Moppet made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a growl and shifted lower to see past her mother's hand.
"Wow," said her mom. She watched the TV herself for a few moments. We'd reached the helping hands. She frowned. "Seems kind of intense."
"It's Henson," I protested. "It's really good."
"Mmm." She sat with us a little while longer. At one point her eyebrows shot into her hairline. "Those are some pants."
"Bada!" Adorable Moppet agreed. I tried to sink into the chair and die.
_______________________________
I called up my best friend ASAP and delivered the whole, surreal story. "Please tell me this isn't my fault and I didn't subconsciously warp her for life," I babbled at the end.
"Oh, no, you totally did. But look on the bright side -- you have about ten years before she discovers the internet and hunts down your fanfiction."
"In ten years the internet will have evolved into free-floating data clouds," I hissed. "Also, not helping."
My life = so hard. | | comments: 25 comments or Leave a comment |
| Two days left until departure, in which KL discovers how you can fill your suitcase with an amazing amount of stuff -- and yet not exceed the weight limit -- when none of said stuff is books, which were previously sacrificed to make room for necessities.
Twenty minutes later, in which she remembers she can bring a second suitcase, and resolves to fill it entirely with books.
In other words, hello world, am not dead. But packing and preparation can make one's life almost entirely not your own.
Can also make one a little barmy. RE: entire suitcase filled with books. Which I'm going to see if I can get away with, not kidding here... | | comments: 10 comments or Leave a comment |
| Oh fuck.
It's 2007, isn't it? I forgot that consequence of waving goodbye to '06.
GO BACK, 2007. I AM NOT READY FOR YOU. GO BACK! GO BACK INTO THE LIGHT! | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| In 2007,  klmorgan resolves to... Admit my true feelings to world_of_eos. Lose ten vampire fictions by March. Get back in contact with some old good books. Find a new fanfiction. Give up lotus leaves. Give up writing.
I dunno about the lotus leaves, man. I mean, I'm like, freebasing those suckers. Mmmmmmmm. Yum.
It's true about world_of_eos, though. MARRY ME, BABY! | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| AAAAAAAAAAAAAH I HAVE A DIGITAL CAMERA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH
IT IS SO AWESOME. AND HOTTT. IT IS HOTTTTT. EVEN MORESO THAN MY NEW EYEBROWS.
IT IS PINK! (In an awesome silvery way, not a Pepto Bismal way.) AND IT IS SO TINY! AND THE BUTTONS! SO MANY BUTTONS!
I will upload pics as soon as I figure out how. | | comments: 17 comments or Leave a comment |
| THINGS I HAVE DONE TODAY I HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE:
1. Had my eyebrows waxed. (And tinted. We were doing a makeup consult for Sam's wedding, and the woman said they also did eyebrows and such, so I said go for it. Smarted only a touch, as she was very good. And my eyebrows look hot. Fighting the urge to wine and dine them.)
2. Visited the mall two days/the Saturday before Christmas. (Oh. Oh God. Not fun. I finally found Sam (who wanted to by a last-minute birthday present for the fiance) and we both were all "Let's never do this again.")
3. Bought a plane ticket to China.
... yup.
T minus 23 days and counting. | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| SIGNS THAT YULETIDE IS NEARING AN END...
#34
Refreshing email inbox every six seconds.
# 35
Sudden exclamations of: "Beloved caffeine! SWEET NECTAR OF WAKEFULNESS!"
And when I'm done, apparently, we're going to have a party at my LJ, in which we discuss the potential impact an ever-widening awareness of fanfiction may have on the industry of published original fiction as a whole. Because that's the kind of thing we do at my parties. Chips? Bah. Salsa? We don't need your stinkin' salsa!
actually, i'd like some of those frozen cream puffs. i could put those out. i mean, if you're going to the store, anyway. otherwise, you know, i hate to be a bother... | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 09:44 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/worried.gif) anxious |
|
| Blaaaaah.
I'm sorry I've been MIA. I'm DOA. I got innoculated against Hep A and tetnus in the same day, baby -- one in each arm. (And can I say: ow? Not the actual injections, she was great with those, but ow ow ow ow for the aches and muscle bruising which can suck when your job consists of carrying heavy things and raising your hands to wave customers down to your cashier? OW.) Anyway, between that and the antiboitics for my sinus infection, my immune system is under a bit of a strain the past two or three days and consequently I am just dead in the water by the time I come home. I'm too tired to think.
So, yeah, I'll be back in a bit to answer those (cute!) questions or update something worth reading. Soon.
Definitely soon, since my job ends Saturday night.
*bites nails* | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| I was looking over some old entries and found this. I knew I'd done this meme before -- back in November of 2004, apparently -- but it seems to have floated this way 'round again. So let's compare results...
This is the problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, and we know nothing about each other. I'm going to rectify it. I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about.
Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you. | | comments: 27 comments or Leave a comment |
| Why is my internet not working? It isn't, which is upsetting. I'm writing this in Notepad. I'll post it in LJ when my internet is working.
Today I am exhausted and I am only half done. I stayed up terribly late last night, since I didn't get home until midnight (I work the late shift Saturdays, because I have no social life and am proud of it, apparently.) and then when I got home I was seized by the urge to actually work on my Yuletide assignment. God knows where that sense of dedication came from. Surely it will pass.
Got up early this morning with my parents to go to Costco, which I love and adore. Any store where I can buy in bulk is good for me, because I'm one of those unfortunate beings who believes that if you enjoy something, it will naturally follow you will love even more of that something, and more and more and more. I once walked away with twenty of the same style of camisole in different colors, people, I do not play around.
But anyway. Costco. Rock. Also picked up some DVDs, which I totally really absolutely shouldn't have, considering my financial situation, but I'm sorry, you cannot place the first season of Gilmore Girls in front of me for fifteen dollars and expect me to walk on by. And then! And then I actually found a copy of Shelley Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre (which I talked about here a bit) for twenty, and DUDE. I was just thinking TWO WEEKS ago that Costco should carry this title and I've wanted it badly for almost two years now, but was unwilling to fork over the massive cash it once commanded. So the gods smiled on me. I knew all that voodoo worship as a kid wouldn't go to waste.
I'm watching some GG episodes as I type this. I was initially a little hesitant to pick up the DVD set, even with the great price -- I remember really wanting it when I was in college, but couldn't for the life of me remember why.
I remember why, now. The first season of this show is amazing. It is quirky and cute and full of smart humor. And yet it somehow manages to be very real -- well, as real as a show about a 31-year-old mom and her fifteen-year-old daughter on the WB gets to be, which is surprisingly empathetic. This is before they started making Alexis Bledel into a teen idol and let her wear stylish "emo/indie" clothes and atrocious amounts of eye makeup -- when the character Rory (the daughter) parted her hair straight down the middle and wore baggy clothing like the nerdy, snarky teen she was supposed to be. And was, you know, a nerd, not a stylish, overly made-up anorexic teen queen who reads nerd books. She has baby fat, y'all, she is adorable! And I remember the shock and awesomeness of seeing an actual teenager play one on TV.
And hey, there's Chad Michael Murry before he garnered his first few STDs, and Vintage!Jared Padalecki, before he became a Greek god and was still kinda lanky and unfinished, fitting the part of incredibly-cute-yet-not-unattainable-boy-next-door so perfectly it almost hurts. And oh, I'd forgotten how much fun the character if Paris (played with eerie perfection by Liza Weil) was when she was really scary and militant about being the best student in class.
This show came out in 2000, right when I was about to graduate from high school, but it still resonated with me on a deep level. I'd been the smart transfer student to move to an ultra-competitive private school, too. Sure, there was no Dean, and Paris was actually several different girls, and no way was my home life that interesting... okay, maybe I just cottoned onto the sparkling banter. (Favorite line is actually a throwaway -- Lorelai is walking past a side character who is a dance teacher, Miss Patty. Miss Patty is seen smoking casually as she takes her young charges (a group of elementary-age girls) through their paces in her studio, using the old walk-with-a-book-on-your-head trick to teach them correct posture. ""Now walk smooth, that's the new Harry Potter on your heads," she reminds them while gesturing with the cigarette holder. "If they should drop, Harry will die and there won't be any more books.")
But still! This was totally my show.
And it still is, this time for different reasons -- I love shows with teenagers who act, you know, like teenagers. (Hello, My So-Called Life.) Plus I'm in awe of how this ensemble works. I know I've rattled on about the younger cast members, but that's mainly because they're the ones who have changed the most drastically. The older characters haven't changed so much as... oh, I don't know, sort of dropped the story lines that really affected me. But it's wonderful to go back and see them again in a different, more appreciative light; the interaction between Lorelai (the young mom) and her parents, Richard (who closed himself off emotionally after seeing her "throw away" her potential, "with all [her] talent and intelligence") and Emily (who is painfully aware that she is not the kind of mother her daughter wants, and yet demands -- in all kinds of awkward and grating ways -- to be a part of her life). And it was lovely to see a television show try to address the situation of two people (Lorelai and Christopher) having a child together and yet refusing to commit to each other, the pressures that both push them together and pull them apart.
Le sigh.
In conclusion to my day I had a talk with nohx, which was fun and nice. Also reminded me I have been a recluse lately, which while not entirely bad, should be tempered more with, you know, actually answering my phone. (Or, in this week's case, noticing the battery is dead and that's why it hasn't been ringing for several days.) If you have been feeling neglected and ignored, raise your hand and there will be cookies. Seriously, I may suck at returning calls, but I am generous with the "Forgive Me" cookies. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| Bus ride to Wisconsin Ave... $1.25
Time spent waiting for the attendant to find my passport... 15 (nerve wracking) minutes
Ransoming back my passport... $50
Being legally able to enter the People's Republic of China... *grin*
The first time I visited the visa office I was so incredibly nervous and excited and anticipatory, I could hardly stand it. I got on the elevator and punched in "1" before pausing to take scope and see whether or not I was actually on the first (as opposed the ground) floor. Apparently I was, because the elevator then refused to move or open for the next five minutes, until I started punching every other button in a panicked frenzy. Ten minutes later a slightly sweaty but considerably less claustrophobic me was making her way down the hall towards my intended destination. Where I forgot to sign my visa application on the first try, and my hands were shaking so badly I ended up clenching them into fists. I traded in my passport for a veeeeery tiny slip of carbon copy paper, which was such a bad bargain I almost asked for the thing back. But I came back on the 6th between the hours of one and three, as asked, shuffled over the requisite clams, and there we are.
It's pretty. It's a slip of paper cut to fit inside my passport and glued on the page opposite my last visa stamp, from London. It has my name and duration of stay and a picture of the Great Wall, and I keep looking at it every five minutes in disbelief. It's official. I'm doing this.
I seriously need to get back to my Mandarin lessons.
In other news of Getting Stuff Done, I may have purchased a suitable dress for my upcoming role as Maid of Honor. Which is not as easy as it sounds, lemme tell you, when the bride in question informs you she will be wearing red to her wedding. She will look gorgeous in red, of course. But it's a head-scratcher as to what would compliment it in some way, and then I saw this while returning some items today, and packed the sucker up. Fits well, so now all I need is a thumbs-up (or down) from the bride in question.
And that was my day! The Yuletide deadline is coming up and I'm seriously considering taking up nail-biting. Not that I don't love my assignment, but... well... most everyone here knows about me and deadlines, right? Not so mix-y, to quote the late and initially great Buffy.
Maybe if I stock up on Doubleshots, close my eyes and leap... | | comments: 12 comments or Leave a comment |
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